Fucking Weirdos
So, I woke up this evening after I'd recovered from my hangover, and there was a really odd message from Dom on my answer machine. I couldnae quite tell wha' he was saying, due tae all the trumpets and heavenly choirs in the background, but I kept hearing the word 'rings' over again. Or maybe it was 'wings'. I couldnae hear right.

Anyway, just then there was a god-awful shriek frae my kitchen, and when I went doon there I saw none other than that little shit Colin Farrell, clutching an envelope (addressed to me, bloody cheek) and sporting a pair of hideous black wings. Kindae like the Balrog's did we ever decide whether Balrogs had wings?. Almost felt sorry for him, he looked sae traumatised. Then I just laughed, because it's amusing tae watch people suffer - especially stalkers who steal my post.

Okay, so far, so utterly deranged. I went over tae Dom and Lij's, and when i got there THEY ALL HAD FREAKING WINGS!!!1 Even Orli was there. Dom's were the prettiest, o' course.

I'm feeling kindae left out, actually, in my wingless state.

::cuts wings out of cardboard, covers them with crepe paper and tinsel. Straps them on::

Look, Dom, everyone, I hae wings too!!!!1

::flaps unconvincingly::

Maybe I can convince Lij tae jump outtae the window and plummet to his death

Hey, Lij, let's have a competition! I dare ye tae jump off the roof...go on. If you win, I'll gie you my bagpipes :-D